


did you think that everything would change?

by tieflingz



Category: Warriors - Erin Hunter
Genre: minor descriptions of death/blood here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:27:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25337608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tieflingz/pseuds/tieflingz
Summary: Hollyleaf has never killed anyone.She’s seen dead cats before. She sat vigil for deceased Clanmates. But that was different. The blood was cleaned from their pelts, the scent of death covered thickly by the cloying smells of lavender and mint. Their eyes were never open; it was as if they were asleep.And this is different. Ashfur isn’t asleep, and the smell of blood and death is nauseating.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 23





	did you think that everything would change?

Hollyleaf feels sick as she looks down on Ashfur’s body, still and cold on the pebble-lined riverbank. There’s no trace of her previous resolve; it’s been replaced by a hollow, heavy feeling of dread in her chest. Her pelt feels hot, far too hot against her skin and her mind reels, unrelenting thoughts of what could come next spinning in her head.  _ StarClan _ , she thinks, her green gaze locked onto her Clanmate’s limp body,  _ please understand. It was the only way. _

For a brief moment, she wishes she’d never have done this. It was a betrayal of her own ideals, killing a Clanmate to “win” a battle of sorts. A flood of what-ifs surge into her mind. What if Ashfur wasn’t actually going to reveal the secret? What if the Clan finds out? What if Squirrelflight had been bluffing, just to get Ashfur to leave them alone? Had she killed him for  _ nothing _ ?

The thought makes her want to retch.

The molly sinks her claws into the damp sand underfoot in an attempt to ground herself. “What’s done is done,” she whispers to herself. It does nothing to sooth her nerves.

She lifts a heavy paw to step toward Ashfur. No one would have to know. She could cast him downstream, where he could sink into the lake to never be found.

She wants to scream. She can’t stand herself. She shouldn’t be  _ thinking _ about how to dispose of a Clanmate’s corpse - the corpse of one  _ she _ killed. It makes her sick, so, so sick, and her stomach roils.

She doesn’t know if she’ll ever be able to get the feeling of blood off her fur or the metallic tang off of her tongue. 

As she takes another slow step toward the corpse, another thought crosses her mind.  _ I’m so sorry, Ferncloud. _

Her eyes burn with tears threatening to spill over. The molly who had nursed her and her brothers... How would she react to her brother’s death at the claws of the very kitten she had nursed in Squirrelflight’s stead? Who Hollyleaf had begun to see as a second mother?

She doubles over where she stands and retches, sobs mingling with her choked coughs. How could she have done this? She crouches there for a moment, her breathing ragged as she takes a moment to recover before slowly rising back to her feet.

Lionblaze and Jayfeather… would they understand? They have to. They were in the same situation. They  _ have _ to understand.

Would they have done the same in her place? Could Lionblaze have been the one standing here, blood caking his golden fur and staining his muzzle? Could Jayfeather?

...They’ll understand. Hollyleaf is sure of it.

Hollyleaf finally takes the last step to stand over the warrior’s corpse, staring into his lifeless blue eye as it stares right back at her.

Hollyleaf has never killed anyone.

She’s seen dead cats before. She sat vigil for deceased Clanmates. But that was different. The blood was cleaned from their pelts, the scent of death covered thickly by the cloying smells of lavender and mint. Their eyes were never open; it was as if they were asleep.

And this is different. Ashfur isn’t asleep, and the smell of blood and death is nauseating. 

Staring into Ashfur’s dead, glazed eye, Hollyleaf finally feels the reality of this all set in. She did this.

And, she thinks as she braces her paws against the gray-furred corpse, she is going to deal with the consequences.

The splash of the body hitting the water makes Hollyleaf flinch even though no one’s around to hear it. By now, the gashes on his pelt have stopped bleeding, but Hollyleaf can see thin trails of blood interweave into the clear water of the river as Ashfur is carried downstream, away from ThunderClan’s territory.

Away from his murderer. Away from his final view of the territory before he was ripped away by a pair of claws, Hollyleaf’s claws--

The molly finally lets out a shaky sob and sinks to the ground, her shoulders shaking as she silently breaks down on the riverbank.


End file.
